Here are 90 ways Muslim husbands can keep their wives loving them by Sheikh Ahmad Shehab. And those brothers who are not married, maybe this is a good step to start memorizing some tips.
Note: An additional 30 tips have been added to the original version. So it has reached 90 in total.
If a man is happy then that’s just an individual but when a woman is happy then that means the whole family is happy!
1- Make her feel secure - Don’t joke about divorcing her, this will put a hole in your marriage.
2- Always greet her whenever you arrive.
3- Your wife is a fragile vessel so take care of her - In this vessel there is a lot of goodness so treat her in a gentle manner.
4- Advise her in privacy and at the best time. Don’t advise her in the presence of others, since it can be a type of humiliation.
5- Be generous with her.
6- Move out of your way for her, when she’s coming to sit get up and let her sit on your seat tell her: ‘Here honey sit, I warmed up the seat for you.’
7- Avoid anger.
8- Look good for her and smell great.
9- Don’t be rigid and hurt her feelings, or you will be broken.
10- Be a good listener.
11- Say yes for flattering and no for arguing.
12- Call your wife with the best names she likes to hear. The Prophet (Salallaahu alayhi wa salam) used to call Aisha - A’ish!
13- Surprise her secretly. For example, bring her a watermelon when it’s not the season of watermelons. Pick and choose in surprising her, be an artist in surprising her pleasantly.
14- Preserve the tongue.
15- Accept her shortcomings - everyone has one.
16- Show your appreciation to her.
17- Encourage her to be in touch with her kin relations.
18- Speak topics of her interest.
19- Speak of her goodness in the presence of others.
20- Shower her with gifts. The Prophet (Salallaahu alayhi wa salam) said: "Give gifts and you’ll love each other." It doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive the gift is, it’s the thought that counts!
21- Get rid of the same old routine once in a while, scrub the rust. For example, buy her a ticket to a vacation cruise or something that she will enjoy.
22- Think good of her - husn adh-dhan.
23- Ignore some of the words/ actions you don’t like.
24- Add a drop of patience - It can go a long way. i.e. at her time of pregnancy, menses... etc.
25- Expect and respect her jealousy.
26- Be humble.
27- Don’t put a price on her happiness.
28- Help her around household chores just like the Prophet (Salallaahu alayhi wa salam) did.
29- You can’t force her to love her in laws, but help her respect and love your parents.
30- Show her that she is an ideal wife; each and every wife is an ideal wife in many ways, so make her feel that.
31- Make du’aa for her and always remember her in your du’aas.
32- Leave her past to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
33- Don’t show her that you are doing favors by doing your duties.
34- Shaytaan/ Satan is your enemy, NOT your wife!
35- When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed her TOO! - Not only does it go to the stomach but it goes to the heart too.
36- Look at her as a precious pearl, treat her and take care of her like a precious pearl.
37- Speaking of pearls show her YOUR pearls, SMILE! Don’t put your smile out of service when you reach home! Don’t be rigid, smiling is Sadaqah.
38- Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the smallest matters and don’t ignore them, it will build up and will create a wall between you and your wife.
39- Avoid being harsh hearted and moody.
40- Respect her thinking; her thinking strengthens you.
41- Help her discover/ develop her skills and her success within.
42- Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.
43- Help her with the children; it’s not only her job it’s yours too!
44- Compliment her! Give her the gifts of the tongue.
45- Don’t be a stranger to her meals, know your wife’s meals, and eat her food.
46- Let her know when you are traveling don’t just disappear, and also let her know about your arrival.
47- When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it.
48- Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy and don’t make it a garage sale.
49- Encourage each other to worship/ obey Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala - Go for Umrah together, listen to a lecture or recitation.
50- Engrave her rights in your heart and in your conscious.
51- Treat her with kindness through happiness and sorrow.
52- Don’t jump on your wife like a bull! In fact polish your love with many kisses. A kiss is a messenger.
53- When disputes happen between you and your wife, don’t go and share it with the whole world. Don’t leave your wounds open for the germs.
54- Show her that you care for her health.
55- Don’t think that you are right all the time! No one is perfect but the Prophet (Salallaahu alayhi wa salam)
56- Share your happiness and sorrow with her.
57- Have mercy on her.
58- Be the shoulder she can lean on!
59- Accept her as she is. She’s a bent rib so don’t try to straighten it.
*Side note: A dear friend once said: “A bent rib cannot be straightened, and in fact the beauty of it lies within its curve!”
60- Have good intentions for your wife - al niyaatu atayibaah.
61- During Ramadhan, 6 days of Shawwal, Mondays & Thursdays, etc. Wake up well before fajr and prepare a special wholesome suhoor for her.
62- Feed her the suhoor you made for her.
63- Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the 2 of you to pray at night whenever you can. Keep it smelling nice and fresh with incense, etc.
64- Women love flowers. Make her something special, a decorative jewellery case or even a poem. Then get a bunch of rose petals and make a trail of them on the floor - leading to the gift you made for her.
65- Make a short song about how she looks as radiant as the moon and mention what a beautiful and special creature she is. Sing it to her acapella. The more horrible your voice is, the better.
66- Teach the wife the famous long hadith of A’ishah (Radiyallaahu anha) about Umm Zarr.
67- Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
68- Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love, or an email without reason.
69- Don't EVER compare your wife to other women!
70- Go out on a date (yes dates WITH YOUR WIFE are HALAL after marriage!) monthly, or set up some schedule and follow it religiously, WITHOUT the kids.
71- Plan a get-away for a weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids (may be stuck with infants).
72- Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you LOTS of brownie points.
73- If the husband needs to give her advice of something delicate, tell her with wisdom, good timing and when she is in good health without the woes of menses.
74- Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time. Ibn Abbas is reported to having said: “I fear Allah from demanding my rights from my wife for I worry that I will not be able to fulfill mine of hers.”
75- Open the door for her and help carry her humongous ‘Coach’ or Target bags.
76- Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
77- Ask her if she would like to invite her sister-friends over for ladies get together dinner and cook for them too!!!
78- Continue with her practice of giving gifts to her parents and siblings. Ask her what she thinks they might be in need of. Only if one can afford it.
79- Help her parents pay off debt or if they are ill. Send her poor relatives some money every year in Ramadhan and also for them to sacrifice for Udhiah during Eid ul Adha. Or even offer to send them to make Hajj if one can afford it.
80- Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading for her to find. Also place them in her jacket pocket or drawer.
81- Be humorous with her when she made a mistake in the kitchen, like putting too much salt or burnt her baking. And never ever threaten her that you’ll take a second wife.
82- Hey, why not take her for Hajj or Umrah if this has not been performed yet, better than Coach bags.
83- Plant her, a rose garden!!! Or better, plant her a kitchen garden with all kinds of herbs that she needs for cooking.
84- Adopt a kitten for her if she likes animal (only if one knows how to care for cats).
85- Get her a new car to replace her old problematic banger; or take her car for maintenance and wash it too.
86- Upgrade her pc or lap-top to a new version with bigger memory; or upgrade her cell phone to the one with itunes and download her favorite Surah recitors.
87- Learn to do special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
88- Teach your children some relevant Islamic etiquettes pertaining to respecting and honoring their mother.
89- If the wife tells the husband something that she had just learned from the Qur’an or hadith book, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
90- Smile at her often, for no reason!
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You don’t necessarily have to apply all 90 ways BUT if you want tremendous results then be the champion and apply them all!
~~ "Woman was made from the rib of man. She was not created from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be stepped upon. She was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him!" ~~
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